The Bad Thing

Well, I did finally get confirmation last Friday: it is definitely cancer in my liver. One tumor is about 4cm in diameter; there are at least 4 tumors, although they appear fuzzy & indistinct in the imaging. They are metastatic, meaning they came from somewhere else. We don't know where "somewhere else" is, yet, though.

More tests this week: PET/CT scan on Wednesday and an MRI on Thursday. They are going to be specifically looking at my pancreas. From what I remember, if it's pancreatic cancer, I'm pretty much dead in months. I guess I could go confirm that on the web somewhere, but the thought of doing so turns my soul to jelly.

Planning on driving to Oklahoma & then to Yellowstone (Cliff nor I have ever been there) very soon, assuming I can put off treatment, whatever it may be, until after such a trip. Work has already said yes, I have a funding plan, plans for somebody to house sit & take care of the Anipals. It will be kind of a grind, but I'm really looking forward to it, and I think Cliff is too. Need to have some kind of happy short-term goal right now to cut through the bleakness.

One of the hardest things for me right now is to tell people. I've told a handful of people, as has Cliff. But how do I spread the word to the dozens of friends and hundreds of acquaintances? Or do I even do that? Should I just let the few key people I know do the heavy lifting there? Is that fair? Is it proper? I wish Miss Manners had something to say about this.